Adult Nursing Personal Statement Example 2

TOO MUCH INFO REGARDING PREVIOUS WORK. NEEDS TO OPEN WITH THE CANDIDATES PASSION FOR NUSRING.

Well Done! It's one fo the worst tasks to complete. I thought that you made a good effort. However thre was a bit too much information on your previous occupations and not on the personal qualities and skills you have to offer.
Did you get into Simmons?

Its really good and it shows knowledge about the nursing field!

Welldone, I know its so hard to get it right and i feel you have caputured it all in this one!!

im sorry, but i have to say i don't think this is well written atal, i agree it is hard to put a personal statement together but you have not given sufficient reasons as to what aspects of the job interests you, and your previous work experience doesn't help the situation. You need to sell yourself!.... the end part is all too vague.

why do you want to be a nurse?
what experience do you have to back this up?
what interests you about nursing?
what specific feild of nursing do youwant to work in?

what about passion to help and suppourt people, positive criticism here!

you haven't stated what type of nursing you want go into, nor have you related you personal skills with the nursing profession. you have mention how nursing has benefited your sister, so how will it benefit you. what do you have to offer??? my suggestion to you is to speak to your sister and ask her to help you redraft your statement

i think you need to start again , sorry. to me this statement came across to be quite negative. dont say you didn't like the job. say something like i need something more challenging and that nursing offers this. mention new skills you aim to require and skills you have to offer from uni, and work experience. start the statement with what made you want to do nursing. i like the bit where u have mentioned about your sister and that its rewarding but think of other things that are personal to you. how you would conclude is by mentioning you intentions and what you aim get for doing this course

You need to say more about your qualities in this personal statement. You already have a BA and you have barely mentioned what you achieved through such a commitment? Further insight, more extra curricular interests and a more reflective atitude overall will bring this good effort up to the level which will allow you to sell yourself indefinitely

have a statement for someone coming directly from school

It seemed like you were just telling them what they wanted to hear. Talk about your sister less, talk about your career less, talk about your passion more. You use the statement "I came to realize" about 10 times. Also, I would use less negative language (as in, "this wasn't fulfilling" becomes "nursing would fulfill a need that suchandsuch hasn't")

its rubbish, its doesn't talk about passion it talks with fancy words with no thought

Applicant seems perfect for nursing which is shown in the personal statement, very personal and appropriate.

this has no passion for nursing at all. A word of advice, cut all the stuff about past jobs and write it all about nursing as that is what you have applied for!! If you have worked before just mention it with the team work skills and social skills and also communication. If you want to be a nurse you need to show this. I also dont think that the sister thing should be mentioned, you want to do this for you and to benefit peoples lives, not because your sister likes doing it.

As the title says a good start but from advice given to me.... do not be negative in anyway! For example the job wasn't for you but you gained -x- skills that you can take with you and it would help you because.... etc.... also include information about yourself not just your ambition you need to make yourself sound interesting its not just about justifying why you'd make a good nurse. hth

I think it is ok, but could be better. You need to talk less about your past jobs and more about nursing. You also need to talk less about your sister, this is about you not her. It does help knowing how it effects her but again, its about you. You need to state what field of nursing you want to go into (child, adult, mental health or general). You need to sell yourself and mention about work experience you have in relation to nursing. For example doing work experience in a school or nursing home.

you emphasize too much on your past career and not on what you have to offer. needs more info on your abilities you have!

i know this isnt am english essay but you should have used grammar checker or something because i had trouble understanding your statement it was distracting to see your poor english instead of doing nursing maybe you should take up engish . bye bye

well i think it was a good try, but try not to write a lot about your sister being a nurse, but you could say that she is your role model or something? And also i notice whilst i was reading this, that it was very negative about your last job. There is a lot of "arse licking" of the university, if you was applying for one single uni i think it would be ok, but if not then change it because the uni's know you'll probably apply to more than one uni. but this comment is a bit delayed if your appling for 2006 n i hope u got in :) x

Did u get into university with that personal statement? I think your talking about your previous employment and how it wasn't fulfilling would make somebody doubt your dedication. As for talking with your sister and other nurses, how does this make you a good candidate? I think if you had actually done some work in this field either paid or as a voluntary it would have made you more credible. What have you said that would convince someone you have the ability and drive to complete this course?

Very good! i bet u did get in2 Uni didnt u! U have been a gr8 help! x

really good

your talking toooooooo much about the jobs youve had in the past and the people reading it are going to get bored you need to say more about your skills and hobbies etc

this was ok as a first draft. As a student writing my own personal statement i know its difficult ive done mine 4 times and its still not right i think you have more to offer thenjust your past qualifications. i hope all went well

From start to finish you had me interested. That is what a personal statement is all about. You clearly demonstrated awareness of the nursing career and stated how rewarding this career would be to you. Well done.

"..... vast array of knowledge....." ? Does the person NEED a place at University?

all you did was say how good simmons was,flattery doesnt help get you in.i think its good you included things about your past qualifications as it would make them suspicous why you kept it secret although your c.v wasnt needed.

hey guys be a little considerate with this person. if "helping and supporting poeple is not enough reason to get into the health care industry, then i'm not sure if you all undertstand what nursing is about.
my guess is that this person has made a good decision by choosing nursing as a career if you think about how far he/she has come.

Nice statement from wesley

informs why she would like to be a nurse as she enjoys helping people. a lot of negative criticism from others for no reason. very interesting

the statement has helped me to write mine for nursing. I think its good that you have explained your passion via your sister but maybe not as much, don't go into her uni etc... i think its quite good and some of the other comments are rather brash

thankyou for your help :)

My favourite comment here is the idiot that protests as follows:

"I don't like this atal since it it's full of grammatical errors".

Is that a fact 'atal'?

Spaz

Really lousy. Distracts from the main points.

i think this one is the best, its the most personal and its short. not dragging on about everything they have done, but focusing on how great they will be as a nurse. :)

well done, your statement is honest and to the point.

well done, your statement is honest and to the point.

I am very sorry to say that i can never short list this application for interview.It does not interest me, i have read better ones. The writer should read comments made by people and improve on his writing skills.

The comments made on this statement has really helped me in writing my own, many thanks!!

first of all, you have no sense of direction. your introduction shows that you're a career hopper, and does not suggest that you had a purpose in Nursing. second, your sister is a failure in the nursing career... how the hells can she speak about her clients when she gets home? Did she learn about HIPPA? this is not Good. sorry

sorry m8 this is siht

"oh no i am choking on a million diks" - u

I loved your blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Much obliged.

I read trough your personal statement and fine lots of ideas from it.